What brings you the most joy in this world? Of course, my family and friends come to mind. Unfortunately, we spend so much of our days occupied by stuff we hate. Washing the dishes, waiting in traffic, and waking up early are just a few things we all despise but cannot avoid. I hope I’m not alone when I say this but lately, I've allowed the not-so-great parts of my day to take over. “Me time” has shrunk to 15-minute breaks to eat before transitioning to another demanding task. Before you know it, it's 3 AM and your head is finally hitting the pillow, only to repeat it all again in just a few hours.
I decided to take a step back and evaluate where I am at this point in my life. I’m 19 years old; however, since the second grade, I’ve been told I’m too hard on myself. I realize that my overpacked schedule stems from this feeling that I can only have worth through my accomplishments. Grades and academic awards fueled this toxic and conditional idea of self-worth. This week while doing homework, I looked at myself in the reflection of my computer screen. The person looking back at me was so much more than a cog in the system. I’m artistic, I’m loving, and I’m funny. Unfortunately, rubrics don’t consider these qualities before granting you a letter grade.
I decided to put a pause on my homework and switch my focus back to a hobby that I love. I sat in my craft corner and painted. I painted because it makes me happy. I painted because I wanted to create something without dreading a grade at the end of it. My sophomore year high school math teacher once vocalized that intelligence comes in all shapes and forms. A thesis statement or an algebraic equation only scratches the surface of what someone is capable of. Blogging and creating art is my escape from the rigid expectations that made me feel like I wasn’t good enough. I’m on a journey to separate grades from how I value myself.
This does not mean you should neglect your responsibilities. Instead, always remember that you don’t exist solely to reach an accomplishment. This way of thinking only leads to a never-ending cycle of discontent. Once in a while, take a moment to do something that you love. Be reminded that you are extraordinary. Mister Rogers once said, “Some days, doing the best we can may still fall short of what we would like to be able to do, but life isn't perfect on any front, and doing what we can with what we have is the most we should expect of ourselves or anyone else”. I hope we can all embark on this journey together. Instead of striving for perfection, let's work for progress.
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